20 Mar Sexual Obstacles & Shy Muslims
The Modern View on Muslims & Sex
It is common perception nowadays for our sisters in Islam to be perceived as somewhat prudish. Our society screams out for revealing clothing and overt sexual behavior from women – and as Muslims we rightfully turn away from public displays of vulgarity and what we deem obscene behaviours.
However, this is horribly inaccurate… Historically, for example, it was Christian Europe who vilified and denigrated Islam with accusations of perversion and obscenity. Uptight Christendom had everything from “body shame” to “reproductive sex only” – and so Islam was cast in a very negative light for a long time.
Sex in Our Past
The idea that we were enjoying sex, talking openly about sex, encouraging foreplay, emphasizing the importance or an active sex life and concerning ourselves with the need for both partners to be satisfied in the bedroom, was of course taboo up to as little as less than a century ago.
The danger is, of course, that we fall into this pigeon-hole and change our values to being uptight and uncreative in the bedroom.
This is a dangerous position for us to take
While we are required to be modest, our shyness doesn’t extend to being with our spouses… we are able to “let go”. This is a gift and should be enjoyed as such. The concern is, if sexuality between spouses is rigid, awkward and shy, we run the risk of either losing enjoyment or not reaching stages of enjoyment that we’re supposed to. When that happens there is unnecessary pressure on the relationship and this can manifest in negative ways… Small arguments developing, irritability, resentment – these might seem like laughable qualities, but they are very real and can lead to more problems quite rapidly.
In today’s rather scary modern world of disposable video, disposable ideas, disposable everything and while the world around us is partaking in disposable relationships, we should remember that overt sexuality and pornography are in our world too. Muslim countries are some of the highest consumers of online pornography and although this is sickening – we must deal with the realities of the impact of this grotesque behaviour. In our relationships, we need to be more open about sex. If we can talk about our partner’s needs and desires and fulfil them, then we at least have a chance at fixing this soul destroying habit while making both spouses a lot happier.
It’s not part of our religion to have the Western style “man versus woman” argument. As Muslims, we know our roles, particularly that our roles are complimentary and intertwined – and sexual excitement and the want/need to satisfy our spouses has never been a matter of dominance or shame.
Female Sexuality and Rights
Women in particular need to remember that they have rights of pleasure too. If your husband assumes that you’re there to satisfy him every time and you’re left wanting, then this needs to be communicated. He has to be made aware, no matter how awkward it might be. Often the nervous start to this conversation can lead to a very satisfying sex life after, not to mention a lot of fun getting there too.
A good sex life is incredibly important to a marriage… Studies have shown that a couple react better to each other when good sex is being had. There are less arguments, better moods, more intimacy, love and a stronger connection. On the other hand, men that are not engaged or married could visit a professional call girl or call girls who can provide their services and please them.
We have been blessed with a need that prohibits only anal sex and sex during menses. Other than this, sex is a rewarding act. If you’re finding excuses to limit your sexual experiences further than this and it’s becoming uncomfortable or damaging for you or your partner, maybe it’s time to embrace this part of your life with more enthusiasm.